You Are Worth Protecting
Something cold, dark, and freaky this way comes...
Before we get carried away into the void, here is a PSA or… a note to self. We’ve passed the autumn equinox, officially crossing over into the darker days. This is an annual reminder that the season is changing and it’s time to prepare for hibernation. Amidst the shiny fun fall activities… or as I’d prefer to call them “freaky fall” activities, cold, death, and darkness lurk around the corner. Let’s prepare ourselves for the next six months as best we can, so that we can revel and play along with this season, not fall victim to it.
Every year I try to figure out the turning point and timing of prep. Colonialism has stripped so much of what is natural, it’s hard to know. Autumn equinox seems natural. So here is the reminder before it’s too late, that the time to plan and prepare is NOW. Even though it may still feel like summer where you’re at (it’s currently nearly 90 degrees here in MINNESOTA). Even if things feel good and fine, double check that you have a plan and structures in place to set you up for success and that you’re not just getting swept away in the lust of an indulgent fall beginning (nothing wrong with that! I’m doing it over here!) but with nothing to fall into later on when the sparkle has faded. I’m saying this in the name of CARE and PROTECTION of our wellbeing. Health and wellness are the most important. Make a plan or rather, create routines and rituals that will help transition, prepare, and guide you as best you can for the coming months. And curate it just for you, based on what YOU need, like, and connect with. What’s going to help support and pull you through? * And when I say “you,” I mean me. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. Unless you like that. *
This is one of my favorite times of year, even as someone who thrives in the summer as a solar powered sprite. The transition period INto fall and winter, however, is my least favorite. Getting over the hump from light to dark can feel treacherous (especially living in a location where the weather teases you). What helps me is remembering the temporary nature of this time and the sweetness and pleasure of savoring every moment, even when it’s rocky. WHAT ALSO HELPS IS THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THAT SUMMER IS FADING AWAY AND THAT THERE’S A CHILL IN MY BONES THAT I CAN’T GET RID OF AND WHY IS IT SO DARK SO EARLY ALREADY… until I finally surrender and accept it… But at least I can more easily let summer go knowing that I squeezed every drop out of it and hold onto the knowledge that it will come back around. Now I must move on to the nature of the next season. Shorter, darker, colder days can also have their moment of juiciness or… freaky fun. Halloween, Samhain, Dia de los Muertos are my favorite holidays! Transitioning into making cozy spaces, herbal projects get revamped, getting more creative with resources that I’ve hopefully procured all summer (and if not, learning to make do with what I have or come across - this is a time when scarcity is easily triggered and creativity feels critical), sitting with it all and trying not to push or force things to get done or happen, slowing down and coming UNdone.
I don’t expect things to be shiny and new at this time and I’m not talking about romanticizing the next whole damn six months. But embrace this time where things are more raw, real, and bare bones than any time of year and putting support in place. It’s the season of great grief, so I’m trying to drink lots of water and tea, move my body, and process those heavy emotions using all the tools I’ve acquired. I know that there is still abundance in the absence of light and warmth… and that can be enlightening in its own way. Darkness is spacious and it’s where we can truly be at peace and quiet and rest if we allow it and accept it as a gift, instead of fight it. If we’re prepared and caring for ourselves and each other with grace, there’s quite a bit of fun, comfort, aliveness, warmth, and even some light to be had during this time. It’s a time for seductive naked dance, delicious grit, feral cathartic screaming at the painful reality around us as we dig our claws in, permission to go wild and be ourselves to our bones without apology no matter how weird we may seem (which includes living in a sweatsuit for six months if that’s what’s up), and warming concoctions and connections that keep us well and at ease under the cold dark moons. It’s time to be gentler and more compassionate and cuddle up with your loved ones or… just something you love. What do you love?? What do you crave? What do you need? How can you use what you have and hunker down?
The cold months, especially around winter holidays, have been contorted into some colonizer altar. It’s one of my biggest battles. It’s just as packed as summer, if not more. There are so many expectations for the holidays. And it quickly becomes one of the most isolating seasons, despite needing each other the most during this time. The problem is being expected to function in the same way at all times of the year, all seasons. But we need different things at different times. We have to start shifting into a different mode as the season changes or we’ll be in bad shape down the road. This is nature. It is in our nature to transition with the seasons. It’s capitalism that has blinded and guilted and shamed us into something truly unnatural.
I think we should be doing the least (still celebrating and gathering for sure!) and stay cozied up in our little dens with each other. But instead, we get sick and exhausted, our overcommitment and skyrocketing expectations getting the best of us. We might as well just run outside wet and naked in the freezing weather and speed up the process. We were meant to slow down during this time; we are due for long deep rest.
We had one of our false cold spells at the beginning of September and I proceeded to throw my temper tantrum until of course we got back our 80-degree weather (which actually just made me grumpy all over again). But the cold spell helped trigger my mind into this process of preparing. I started to think about what I’m going to do to feel safe and protected physically and emotionally going into the next six months, how I can strengthen my health right now, what I anticipating needing based on 35 years of experience in order to stay mentally whole during these toughest months, and how I can remain connected with others and not disappear into a black hole of isolated terror in my mind.
One of my many plots is planning several things under the guise of “birthday presents” which are rooted in pleasure and self-expression (she cackles and rubs her hands together mischievously). One of my birthday gifts is to commit the months leading up to my birthday to my physical strength. I’ve devised a plan that is both structured and adaptable. It’s a commitment without confinement (confinement being my worst fucking nightmare especially in the cold months). No weight loss or size goals, just the feeling of strength through muscle building. Because when I feel strong, when I build muscle, I feel sexy. And when I move and push myself to sweat, I feel energized. And when I have some sort of goal and structure, I thrive. And as a visual person who of course loves instant gratification, I made myself a little printed chart to color in a block for every day I work out (my goal is 1 hour x 24 times/month) so I can actively see myself achieving this goal day by day, the chart growing as I get closer to my birthday in December. This gift is helping me stay in my body and this process is building the habit before things get harder later on.
It’s similar to the reading log I made for summer (and am also continuing for the next three months into fall) which captures the fun journey of reading books with a visual aid. I’m a bit of a luddite I guess, preferring the paper over an app. It’s tangible and real in my hands, between my fingers. Which is also a huge component to my survival at this time. Feeling the things. Summer’s sensuality spilling over. More spice in my foods (and books), scented candles and incense, crafting with my hands, writing more with pen and paper, reading physical copies of books, building a fire and feeling the heat on my hands, sweating, using a heating pad, wrapping myself in soft and yummy clothes, scalp massages, gua sha… all things that are important year-round but is especially important at this time to connect with warm feeling body and sense of self and the physical world to stay tethered when it’s hard to see and orient myself in the darkness.
Maybe part of preparing means clearing your calendar as much as you can and minimizing your to-do list or getting rid of the timelines in which it needs to be completed. Harvesting and creating SPACE. It may be the time to book travel or schedule time off work (and not completely fill it with other work) or talk to your family about a peaceful way to spend the upcoming holidays that won’t be too overwhelming or stretch you beyond your means. Maybe you need to manage your own expectations, re-evaluate traditions - do they still mean something to you or are they more stress and obligation? Maybe you need to adjust your sleep schedule and stock up on staples. Maybe you need a weekly family hang night, or an underground hidey hole to clock into after your 9-5, a craft project that you do with friends, establish a small phone tree of your people to do wellness checks, start your meditation practice, schedule hikes, kickoff a Vampire Diaries marathon that spills into a Peaky Blinders marathon that spills into a Vikings marathon that spills into a …
Now’s the time to start thinking about and integrating what you really need in order to survive the upcoming months stretching into the spring equinox in March. You never know what exactly is to come, who exactly you may be in a month or two, and we need space to meet ourselves wherever life takes us, but creating some strength in a nest, some tethers to wellness may help you face whatever is to come. Even just a holiday p(r)ep talk, knowing that it can get busy and intense.
Maybe I’m speaking to an audience who loves winter and has no problem during these months. But I’m someone who has lived in Minnesota and other cold places my entire life and yet it was just in the last five or so years that I actually embraced it. I actually bought warm enough clothes and actually decided to be prepared and better yet, play in it. Sounds like common sense, I’m sure, but it was a revelation and a game changer for me. And only in the last two years did my fantasy come true of hibernating and NOT doing the most at this time. In order to find that calm and space, I’ve had to breakdown every narrative around productivity (“but things HAVE to get done. NOW.”), scarcity, attachment to how things should be done and the outcome, and an addiction to living in chaos, or rather, getting swept up in it (because there’s always some element of chaos, but we can choose how we -don’t- react to it). No matter what, the battle with mental health is always epic and colonization has a huge role to play in it. But I’m breaking it down more and more, creating more resilience and ease. And don’t get me wrong, I love the sparkle of the winter, I love the parties and fun of the holidays (I AM a Sagittarius), and I also recognize the great need our bodies have to be in a different mode, to embody or mirror nature at this time and I’ve felt and experienced the harm of not obeying that need. So once again, I’ll say to myself, because I wouldn’t want to tell anyone what to do - this is “your” sign, ALEXA, to start (or double down on) preparing. Imagine the sickest darkest saddest days and what you’ll need to survive them. Think about your most foundational needs in order to thrive, including points of pleasure. Commit to them and protect yourself. Bonus points if you make it freaky and delicious.
